why didn't you poke me back
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize