I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
