man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
