is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
