Just fell off a train. Bad.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
