wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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