We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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