You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
