Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
