So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
