I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
