Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
