her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
