i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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