i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
