Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
