Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
