He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize