last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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