We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
