I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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