Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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