So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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