If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think my moral compass just broke
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