and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
