You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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