So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize