my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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