just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
