Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
