I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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