At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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