the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
