I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
