hotel room ftw
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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