new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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