I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
