im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize