It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
