from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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