I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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