your thong is hanging out like whoa
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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