Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
