yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
