i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
