We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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