You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
