covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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