i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
