you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
