I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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