I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
