Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
