Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
These tits shall not be calmed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
