Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
