Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize