My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
