I cockslap morals
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
