even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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