i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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