Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize