sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No subtext here. People are naked.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
