you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
