She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
