do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
