The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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