My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
