THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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