God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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