What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
