he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
