Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
