HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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