My first STD was from a foam party
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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