And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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