I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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