All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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