Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
