Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
