He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
