fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
