well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
