He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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